The Lioness

I'm all married up now, it's a very different lifestyle to my previously wild and free days. By some standards I guess I married late. Late enough to have developed a strong Independence and free spirit. Sometimes I long for the single life mainly due to the fact that I love to flirt. Oh, come on we all like to think we've still got it.

When I was talking about my 'wild woman' independence recently I was asked why I'd gotten married; if I just got to a stage in my life where I thought I should since everyone else was doing it. I guess that's part of it. I did feel some pressure to get hitched with the constant tick tock, tick tock pulsating in my eardrums. The truth is, I just wanted to marry my husband. It's that simple. I met him, loved him and wanted to marry him. I don't know all the reasons why but it was just right. No one else had ever seemed so right.

By the time I met my husband, I had made a conscious decision to be single for the rest of my life. I had convinced myself that I was happy to sustain my shrunken heart on a string of short passionate relationships for better or for worse. All the while my heart was whispering to me "don't put me through this again", but I ignored it and carried on. I see now that my situation dictated my mindset. But try telling me that then....whooooa nelly you would have been in for a fight!

Our first three months together were all about me laying solid boundary fences around my comfort zones. I had never experienced true, real, solid love and it scared me. This wasn't what I was all about! I was Wild Woman; ROAAAAAAR!!

After a while, and believe me it did take a while, I took a chance and let go. I gave in to my pleading heart. I am still the same person with the same sense of inderpendance and strong will. He loves me for it.

Occasionaly, I run out into the wilds to feel the wind in my main and roar (loudly) but then go home to the comfort of my warm bed, next to the same warm strong body that I know so well.

It is then, that I notice my heart beat strong in my chest.

Feeding Fish

I've found that strangely enough, some married people develop quite severe memory loss about just how hard being single can be. Especially when it comes to being sensitive to their still single friends about the rollercoaster that is single life... When I was single and fast approaching 30, I heralded comments from my married friends like "Just enjoy your freedom" , "Why don't you like spending time just with yourself?" etc. It is difficult to have perspective about how lonely and endless 'me time' can be when you know there is always someone coming home to you. Even those of us who love their own company can be a little over themselves after a while..

'They' just cant seem to get their heads around why you haven't met someone, when after all we all know there are so many fish in the sea!

So, in an empathetic blog dedicated to all the single ladies (...all the single ladies....)I thought I'd reminisce about the many varieties of time-wasting fish that are swimming around.

The Hippie

Beware of this seemingly spiritually aware, sensitive type. It is more than likely that he will have so much hippie love he will feel that it would be wrong not to share amongst a number of ladies. All the while justifying this with a need to explore himself. I mean, you wouldn't want to take that away from him would you? Maybe if you were more self aware and comfortable in yourself you wouldn't mind him sleeping with other people?? It's just something he feels like he needs to do at this point of his life.

BULLSHIT. NEXT!!!!!!

The Pigeon Feeder

Talk about throwing us a crumb every so often. This male will fight to get you and once he has achieved this, do all he can to keep you on a long leash. His methods include late night text messages (he strongly favours texts over verbal communication) that use a maximum of three words, shortened of course. "U out", "Wat u doin" or my personal favourite usually received between 4am-7am; "I'm outside". None of these forms of communication will ever be received before 11pm or on a week night. But, come Friday midnight to dawn expect to be innundated with scraps of communication. Don't expect dinners, movies or any type of 'normal' dating from him. It will never happen.

The Opportunist

It wouldn't be fair to pass on all the blame to the men. We have to take some responsibility for their behaviour. If you build it ladies, they will come. The opportunist will not use good judgement or any foresight into the fact that your offers to pick him up, cook for him or run that errand he doesn't have time to get to may mean that you want a relationship with him. In fact, you may have already convinced yourself that you are IN a relationship with him! He does not have any interest in ever having a relationship with you but hey, if you are offering to cook him dinner he will be there with bells on; every night! This is not a relationship you're creating; it's a convenience.

The Smother Lover (AKA The Psycho)

This one is not always immediately apparent. You may be thinking you think you have met a great guy who covers all your top ten wants; good looking, funny, can cook a great thai curry...But then, try to have some of that me time you are by now missing and you are in for a nasty surprise! Theis man wants to spend 24hours a day with you and more if he can! If you show signs of independance he will panic and suggest you move in together (usually in tears). Catching up with a male friend while you are with the Smother Lover will send him in to a complete green eyed meltdown which can turn nasty...The other guys can be arseholes but at least you know where you stand (eventually....if you're clever).

This guy will trick you into thinking you've found the man of your dreams then leave you organising a restraining order.

I'm sure I'll think of more, but these would have to be my top 3.

So, who are you dating?

Red Lips Sink Ships

Font selected, template chosen and I am now ready to blog. Again.

I did attempt this once before however when I read over my ramblings I decided that the content was far too depressing to share with anyone else due to them high risk of creating a mass suicide throughout the nation. I had just lost my job (again) thanks to economic downturn but moreso a particularly stingy boss who was A-O.K. with telling me that my plan to concieve was enough reason to sack me. In an attempt to make light conversation following his bombshell he lamented that his house visitors had used some of his shower gel and washing powder over the 3 days they stayed with him, and not had the decency to buy more. Animals. Alannis Morisette said it best. Ironic indeed.

Now that I'm over that experience and have moved on I have far better things to ramble about. This brings me to red lipstick. Over the past week I have been told by various sources that lipstick makes you look like you've put effort in, even when you haven't. So, by all accounts you can be walking around dressed in a hession sack but slap a bit of lippy on and the sack comes alive! Work that sack girl. The first time this came up was with a bunch of self confessed cougars, whose style I do admire. One particularly snappy dresser amongst these ladies always pulls off a hot red lipstick, and she's dead right - it does make her look that little bit more fabulous when she puts it on.

The second source, only a few days after the cougar conversation was a magazine. The article entitled "change your life in 30 days" peaked my interest; a career change, a new partner, a health regime???? No, red lipstick. For 30 days straight the biggest challenge for one female participant was to wear red lips every day. I laughed at the simplicity. But then this morning when I went to put on my lip balm (beauty regime, complete) I thought; you can laugh but can you put your money where your lips are and give it a red hot go? So I did. Red lips, check.

My first stop was the loungeroom where my husband's expression changed to that of a small child who had just done something very naughty. "Well, what do you think?" I asked. "Oooooh, it's very reddy" he squirmed almost uncomfortably. This is his standard response when I have changed something about my appearance. A new body creme will be met with such statements as " Ooooh, it's very coconutty" or "Ooooh it's very frangrancey" etc etc. Following the lips comment, he smacked me on the arse as I walked away. I will take that as a winning result.

Then to the coffee shop where I came short of change. The usually demure barrista smirked that it was ok, he didn't think I should be deprived of my unusually large size coffee just becasue I didn't have the money to cover it! Yessssssss!

So far the lips seem to be working but can I keep this up? I don't know about 30 days; this sounds a bit extreme however maybe I can work it in every few days. The real test will be my girlfriends. At least I know they will tell me the truth. If I look like a spanish whore, these women are sure to break it to me.