Feeding Fish

I've found that strangely enough, some married people develop quite severe memory loss about just how hard being single can be. Especially when it comes to being sensitive to their still single friends about the rollercoaster that is single life... When I was single and fast approaching 30, I heralded comments from my married friends like "Just enjoy your freedom" , "Why don't you like spending time just with yourself?" etc. It is difficult to have perspective about how lonely and endless 'me time' can be when you know there is always someone coming home to you. Even those of us who love their own company can be a little over themselves after a while..

'They' just cant seem to get their heads around why you haven't met someone, when after all we all know there are so many fish in the sea!

So, in an empathetic blog dedicated to all the single ladies (...all the single ladies....)I thought I'd reminisce about the many varieties of time-wasting fish that are swimming around.

The Hippie

Beware of this seemingly spiritually aware, sensitive type. It is more than likely that he will have so much hippie love he will feel that it would be wrong not to share amongst a number of ladies. All the while justifying this with a need to explore himself. I mean, you wouldn't want to take that away from him would you? Maybe if you were more self aware and comfortable in yourself you wouldn't mind him sleeping with other people?? It's just something he feels like he needs to do at this point of his life.

BULLSHIT. NEXT!!!!!!

The Pigeon Feeder

Talk about throwing us a crumb every so often. This male will fight to get you and once he has achieved this, do all he can to keep you on a long leash. His methods include late night text messages (he strongly favours texts over verbal communication) that use a maximum of three words, shortened of course. "U out", "Wat u doin" or my personal favourite usually received between 4am-7am; "I'm outside". None of these forms of communication will ever be received before 11pm or on a week night. But, come Friday midnight to dawn expect to be innundated with scraps of communication. Don't expect dinners, movies or any type of 'normal' dating from him. It will never happen.

The Opportunist

It wouldn't be fair to pass on all the blame to the men. We have to take some responsibility for their behaviour. If you build it ladies, they will come. The opportunist will not use good judgement or any foresight into the fact that your offers to pick him up, cook for him or run that errand he doesn't have time to get to may mean that you want a relationship with him. In fact, you may have already convinced yourself that you are IN a relationship with him! He does not have any interest in ever having a relationship with you but hey, if you are offering to cook him dinner he will be there with bells on; every night! This is not a relationship you're creating; it's a convenience.

The Smother Lover (AKA The Psycho)

This one is not always immediately apparent. You may be thinking you think you have met a great guy who covers all your top ten wants; good looking, funny, can cook a great thai curry...But then, try to have some of that me time you are by now missing and you are in for a nasty surprise! Theis man wants to spend 24hours a day with you and more if he can! If you show signs of independance he will panic and suggest you move in together (usually in tears). Catching up with a male friend while you are with the Smother Lover will send him in to a complete green eyed meltdown which can turn nasty...The other guys can be arseholes but at least you know where you stand (eventually....if you're clever).

This guy will trick you into thinking you've found the man of your dreams then leave you organising a restraining order.

I'm sure I'll think of more, but these would have to be my top 3.

So, who are you dating?